Happy

Or getting closer.

It is so strange how, after a few days of feeling incredible low, I feel so great today. I've put on a couple of pounds, but I think much of it must be muscle, because this morning I looked in the mirror and actually thought, "I look perfect." Not in a fitness, or even runway model way, but in a V way. Like this is my best possible body. Today I'm proud of the small but sexy curves, the gentle rounding of my tummy. And my perky little ass.

This is not meant to sound narcissistic. But I so rarely feel this way, so I will celebrate my body while I do.

A blogger that I like posted a long, beautiful entry about her pregnancy which is coming to an end. She included this lovely poem from Mary Oliver. It felt so relevant for me, so I'm passing it along as well.


"Every year
the lilies
are so perfect
I can hardly believe

their lapped light crowding
the black,
mid-summer ponds.
Nobody could count all of them --

the muskrats swimming
among the pads and the grasses
can reach out
their muscular arms and touch

only so many, they are that
rife and wild.
But what in this world
is perfect?

I bend closer and see
how this one is clearly lopsided --
and that one wears an orange blight --
and this one is a glossy cheek

half nibbled away --
and that one is a slumped purse
full of its own
unstoppable decay.

Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled --
to cast aside the weight of facts

and maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking

into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing --
that the light is everything -- that it is more than the sum
of each flawed blossom rising and fading. And I do."

God, today I just want to be outside, in nature, hiking and experiencing new things. It makes my throat ache.